Be a Better Human

Consent is about enthusiasticallysaying “yes” and about respecting and accepting a person’s right to say “no”. Consent is required at every stage of being intimate with someone – asking for a dance, for a date, to hook up - and at any point of a relationship, whether you have just met or are married.

Affirmative consent is when the verbal and physical cues a person is giving you show that they are comfortable, consenting and keen to continue. It’s all about the proactive asking and giving of consent between people.

The most basic thing to remember is that consent is voluntary, enthusiastic and continuous.

But what does ‘without consent’ really mean? Being bullied, tricked or intimidated with words or violence into having sex or physical contact is coercive control and that’s non-consensual; so is having sex with someone who cannot clearly and freely give consent.

A “no” is still a ‘no’, but the absence of an enthusiastic and ongoing “yes” is a ‘no’ as well.

Forcing or coercing someone to have sex when they don’t want to or are not capable of consenting is sexual assault, regardless of the relationship between the perpetrator and victim. This includes minors (under the age of 17), people who are intoxicated, passed out or asleep, as well as those with a mental impairment that may inhibit them from being fully aware of what they are agreeing to.

We also strongly encourage you to complete the Consent Matters training to test your knowledge or get further clarification. 

An active bystander is someone who, when noticing a situation that concerns them, does something about it – they are everyday superheroes. Maybe you’re looking out for your friends, maybe you’re calling them out when they are making an offensive comment towards another person. Each situation is different, but there are some basic things you can do in any scenario:

Notice the event: A friend showing you a nude that was sent to them privately, hearing someone making a homophobic, sexist or racist remark towards another person or group, or noticing a peer incessantly pursuing someone who is not interested – these are all situations where you might intervene.

Identify if it’s a problem: Interpreting an event as a problem requires judgement on your part, but as a guide, question whether the situation at hand makes you feel uncomfortable. Would you behave the same way? Would this kind of behaviour be okay if it were occurring to a friend or family member? If you are unsure about positively answering these questions, or the answer makes you feel uncomfortable, chances are this is a situation for intervention.

Take responsibility: In difficult situations we often assume that someone else will do something – surely the woman at the club has friends who will come to her aid – but if we all assume someone else will step in, nothing will happen.

Make a plan: There are a number of different ways to intervene and step in – either directly or indirectly – just remember to be respectful and mindful of your own safety and theirs in whatever approach you take, whether you decide to act in the moment or check-in with the person concerned after the fact to see how they feel.

Act: Choosing to not participate in a negative conversation or calling-out bad behaviour; derailing an incident from occurring by distracting the would-be perpetrator (i.e. ask for the time, directions, what drink they’re having); offering assistance to the victim by listening or helping them to report the incident – these are just some of the ways you can intervene and be an active bystander.

Being an active bystander does not always require you confront the situation yourself. You can contribute to defusing the situation by informing someone in a position of authority that an incident might be occurring – bar staff or campus security for example.

Without an explanation. Whether you’ve changed your mind. No matter how far into a sexual act you might be. Or how many times you’ve done it. Whether you’ve consented to one thing and not another.  

Sex should be about mutual pleasure so communication is key. Check in with the person you’re having sex with and make sure they are enjoying themselves and want to continue. You should also check in with yourself and think “do I feel comfortable?”. It’s ok to say so if something doesn’t feel right. If these signals aren’t pointing to a voluntary, and mutual yes, then it’s okay to say no. Consent is something you give, so it’s also something you can take back.

If the person doesn’t respect or understand why you want to say no, you might second guess becoming intimate or vulnerable with them.

Every person has the right to choose to have sex the way they want and to make that choice freely every time.

Whether you have experienced or witnessed sexual assault or sexual harassment at Charles Darwin University, you can report it. Reporting is the first step in a safe, supportive and inclusive process. It does not initiate a formal complaint. 

You can also seek support if you have experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment. 1800RESPECT  can provide counselling, information, and referrals 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Phone 1800 737 732 or go to www.1800respect.org.au. 

For information on the reporting process and where to find support services, visit the reporting sexual assault and sexual harassment page.